I'm on my way to a party and my anxiety levels are sky high - even more than usual. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so socially inept. I don't know how to do parties.

It's a housewarming with a couple friends, a couple drinks and some xbox. It's not a big deal so why am I panicking? Mikey was invited too but he's deadly allergic to cats so can't come. I wish he was here as ridiculous as that is.

I can't even go to a friend's house without having him there - well I can as I'm doing it - but if he was here is be nowhere near as nervous.

I feel overdressed but under covered. Plus I forgot my controller and Halo top so I'm having a proper freak out on this bus.

They're also serving pizza which is mega high calorie. How do I refuse food that they've so kindly paid for? I will need something to soak up the alcohol I'm going to have to consume to control my nerves. I haven't eaten today in anticipation for the high calorie bevy.

Oh god, why am I such a freak? Haha.

Hopefully the more drunk I get, the more I'll calm down but what if I get wasted and make a fool of myself? AAAAARGH.

I just spilled the depths of my soul to my boyfriend about how I feel about my body image, what I'm doing to try and get better and the thoughts that go through my head and he wasn't even fucking listening.

Oh my GOD. It's so frustrating. His girlfriend is extremely mentally ill and he doesn't even fucking care enough to pay attention. It's no wonder I feel like I can't talk to anyone about any of this when the one person who is supposed to care about me the most (other than my family) doesn't even want to hear it. It's like I'm invisible.

I give up. Everyone can get to fuck. I plead for help and it gets me nowhere. 

Food is all I can think about. It's driving me crazy. I feel constantly hungry.

So far today I've had some porridge but I can't stop thinking about eating.

When did food become the enemy?